Getting married during residency? Congratulations. You’ve just signed up for one of the wildest, most exhausting, and surprisingly sweet life challenges you’ll face. Forget white sand beaches and dreamy honeymoons – here’s what really happens, plus some hard-earned survival tips.
1. Manage Your Expectations (And Your PTO)
Residency doesn’t exactly come with generous vacation time. My husband, a sixth-year surgical resident, spent all his leave flying to fellowship interviews before our wedding. By the big day, he had zero days left. We felt blessed just to squeeze out one extra day just to get our marriage license (which had to be obtained in person because virtual wasn’t an option).
Lesson: Residency schedules are rigid, and time off can be extremely limited. It’s important to plan well in advance and be prepared for unexpected hurdles in simple processes like getting a marriage license.
Tip: Plan early, call your county clerk, and don’t assume there’s a shortcut.
2. Be Ready to Get Married, Then Go Straight Back to Work
We got married on a Saturday. Sunday was our “honey-night”: massages, dinner, and a shared brownie sundae that should’ve counted as a honeymoon. Monday morning? My husband started night shift. If you’re lucky, a co-resident might cover a shift so you get at least one day together.
Lesson: Weddings during residency often mean little time off afterward. Your celebration might be brief before work takes over again, but that doesn’t make it any less special.
Tip: Plan a “honeymoon lite” — even if it’s just a few hours of dessert and silence before you part ways.
3. Brace Yourself for Alone Time
Residency marriages often mean being apart right after you say “I do.” That first week, I was home alone. It’s disorienting but normal.
Lesson: Alone time is part of the deal when you’re married to a physician – it helps to prepare for the ups and downs that come with it.
Tip: Embrace solo moments by reaching out to friends, reading cards, and allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up.
4. Honeymoon? Maybe Later.
My husband gets one two-week vacation a year. We didn’t know those dates until the week before our wedding. And guess what? He’s on nights again for our planned honeymoon month. Our plan now? Mini-honeymoons on Saturday nights and making everyday moments count.
Lesson: Sometimes the traditional honeymoon has to wait, but that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t thrive. Flexibility and finding joy in small moments matter just as much.
Tip: Plan for mini-getaways or special evenings together when you can, and remember that connection doesn’t need a perfect itinerary.
5. Get Creative with Your “Dates”
Forget fancy dinners. Our officiant joked about our “Costco dates” which consist of holding hands in the frozen food aisle. It’s real love. Whether it’s a grocery run, a quick walk, or ordering takeout together, protect that time.
Lesson: Dates don’t need to be extravagant to be meaningful. Everyday moments can become the most cherished times together.
Tip: Celebrate the small moments. They add up.
6. Embrace What Your Marriage Looks Like Right Now
Residency means your relationship won’t look like the classic romance stories, and that’s a good thing. You’re building a partnership that’s flexible, resilient, and uniquely yours. This time will test you, but it will also teach you how to prioritize, communicate, and cherish the moments that matter most.
Lesson: Residency shapes your marriage into something unique and resilient, teaching you to prioritize and cherish what truly matters.
Tip: Embrace and celebrate your own journey, even if it looks nothing like a classic romance.
The world won’t pause for your wedding, no matter how big the day. But love? Love can grow between shifts, in texts, in shared brownies, and in those tiny “honey-nights” that keep you going until you get your chance to breathe.
Want to read more about our wedding story? Check it out here!
