Embracing Growth Beyond the Support Role
Being a physician spouse or partner often means stepping into a support role that feels all-encompassing. Managing the household, raising kids, and keeping everything running smoothly can leave little time for personal dreams or even self-reflection. Over time, you might realize you’ve lost sight of who you are beyond supporting your partner’s career.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. There are some practical tools to help you rediscover yourself as a physician spouse or partner, starting with understanding your unique personality, exploring your purpose, and reconnecting with what brings you joy.
1. Understanding Yourself Through the Enneagram
The Enneagram is a personality framework that identifies nine core types, each with its own motivations, fears, and ways of viewing the world. More than just a personality quiz, the Enneagram digs into the “why” behind your actions, helping you understand the patterns driving your decisions.
For physician spouses, this can be eye-opening. You might recognize your habit of putting others first comes from a need to feel helpful or appreciated, or striving for perfection in your role is tied to a deeper desire for control in a chaotic life. The Enneagram doesn’t just help you identify these tendencies—it can also guide you toward healthier ways of living.
How to Get Started:
- Take an Enneagram assessment (like this free test or The Enneagram Institute’s RHETI).
- Dive into resources like The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile or podcasts like “Typology” for deeper insights.
- Reflect on how your type’s strengths and challenges have influenced your role as a partner and reflect on areas within yourself where you’d like to evolve.
2. Exploring Your Purpose with Ikigai
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that translates to “reason for being.” It’s about finding the sweet spot where your passions, talents, contributions to the world, and, if relevant, income opportunities intersect. While it’s often used in career coaching, ikigai can be a powerful way to reconnect with what truly matters to you.
As a physician spouse, it’s easy to focus entirely on your partner’s purpose—supporting their career in medicine—while sidelining your own. Exploring ikigai helps you rediscover what lights you up and aligns your life with your values and strengths.
How to Get Started:
- Map out your own ikigai using a tool like these from Positive Psychology. Ask yourself:
- What do I love? (What hobbies, causes, or activities bring you joy?)
- What am I good at? (What are your unique talents or skills?)
- What does the world need? (How can you contribute to others?)
- What can I be paid for? (If relevant, what could you turn into a career?)
- Look for overlaps where you can begin pursuing meaningful projects, even in small ways. For example, if you love writing and helping others, you might start a blog or write a guide for other spouses navigating similar challenges.
3. Reconnecting with Yourself Through Passion Projects
Sometimes the best way to rediscover yourself is simply by trying things you enjoy. Passion projects—creative, exploratory, or skill-building activities—can be transformative because they’re entirely about you. Whether it’s painting, volunteering, gardening, or learning a new language, these pursuits help you tap into a sense of curiosity and fun that’s easy to lose in a demanding support role.
How to Get Started:
- Block off time in your schedule for just yourself—even an hour a week makes a difference.
- Try something you’ve always been curious about. Websites like Skillshare and MasterClass offer classes on everything from photography to cooking.
- Don’t overthink it. The goal isn’t to be productive or perfect—it’s simply to enjoy the process and see what sticks. Give yourself grace. If you don’t like something, don’t beat yourself up, move on, and try something new.
Moving Forward
Rediscovering yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your role as a supportive partner. It’s about expanding it—carving out space to nurture your identity and passions alongside your responsibilities. Tools like the Enneagram, ikigai, and passion projects can guide you back to a fuller sense of self, empowering you to show up for your family with joy and authenticity.
Remember: you’re not “just” a physician spouse. You are a whole, multifaceted person with unique talents, dreams, and contributions to make. It’s time to celebrate and embrace them.