Like most physician spouses/partners, you’re probably a natural “fixer.” When your partner is struggling, your first instinct is to jump in and do whatever it takes to make things better. It’s in our nature to want to help, to ease their burdens, and to find solutions. It can be incredibly tough to see the person you love struggling with their mental health and not be able to simply fix it. 

You want to make everything right, but sometimes the best way to help is by offering your support, understanding, and patience, rather than trying to solve the problem yourself.

In the sections that follow, we’ll explore practical ways to support your spouse or partner, how to find confidential mental health resources, and the importance of educating yourself about the unique challenges physicians face. By the end of this article, you’ll be better equipped to help your partner navigate their mental health journey with understanding and care.

Educate Yourself

One of the most effective ways you can truly support the struggling physician in your life is by being educated on their available support options. Knowing where to turn and what resources are out there not only gives you peace of mind but also empowers your partner to take the steps they need when they’re ready. 

Educating yourself about the mental health challenges physicians face is a great place to start.

• NAMI’s Family-to-Family Program: This educational program is designed specifically for family members, equipping them with coping and problem-solving skills. It also offers a free 8-week program for family caregivers of individuals living with mental illness. Learn more at NAMI Family-to-Family.
• NAMI Online Resources: NAMI also offers a wealth of online resources tailored to supporting family members and caregivers of those facing mental health challenges. Explore more at NAMI Family Members and Caregivers.

To help you start important conversations and create a plan for managing crises, you can begin with these resources. They both provide practical tools for opening dialogue and preparing for challenging situations, making it easier for you to support your partner effectively.

• Vital Signs: Campaign to Prevent Physician Suicide offers a Conversation Starter Guide to help you approach this sensitive topic.
• They also provide a Personal Crisis Management Plan that can guide your partner in outlining steps to take when feeling overwhelmed.

Acknowledge the Barriers

The physician in your life may hesitate to seek mental health support due to concerns about confidentiality and potential repercussions on their career. Among other things, they might worry that therapy through employer-paid insurance or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) isn’t truly confidential, that they could end up seeing a colleague within their own medical group or health system, or that they may even lose their medical license.

Start by acknowledging these concerns. Let your spouse or partner know that you understand their fears and that you’re there to help them find confidential resources tailored especially for them.

Start the Conversation

Talking about mental health can be challenging. Your partner may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or simply overwhelmed. It’s essential to create a safe, non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable opening up. In addition to the above recommendation from Vital Signs, here are some things to keep in mind when tackling this hard conversation: 

• Start with Empathy: Begin the conversation by expressing your concern and care. Use phrases like, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I want to make sure you’re okay,” to show that you’re approaching the topic from a place of love and understanding.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage your partner to share more by asking open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling lately?” or “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” This invites them to share without feeling pressured.
• Be Patient: Your partner might not be ready to open up right away, and that’s okay. Let them know that you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk and be patient as they process their feelings.
• Reassure Them of Your Support: Make it clear that you’re in this together and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Remind them that you’re there to support them every step of the way.

Offer Practical Support

Beyond emotional support, there are a few practical ways you can help your spouse or partner manage their mental health:

• Encourage them to prioritize self-care and take regular breaks.
• Help them find time for hobbies or activities that bring them joy outside of work.
• Take on additional household responsibilities to reduce their stress — but only if you have the capacity.

It’s crucial to remember that you need to stay strong and healthy to support your partner effectively. If you overextend yourself, you may find it challenging to be there for them when they need you most. Prioritize your own well-being, and seek balance to ensure you can be a steady source of support.

Encourage Professional Help

Finding a therapist or counselor who specializes in working with healthcare professionals can make a significant difference since these specialists understand the unique stresses of being a physician and can offer targeted strategies to manage them.

With the help of the Dr. Lorna Breen Heroes Foundation, we’ve compiled a list of confidential resources to address these concerns:

• 911 At Ease International: Offers free trauma-informed counseling for frontline responders and their families, including emergency medical personnel. Visit 911aei.org for more information.
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Crisis Text Line: Free 24/7 mental health support via text. Your partner can text “SCRUBS” to 741741 to connect with a counselor.
• Physician Support Line: A free, confidential hotline staffed by psychiatrists who volunteer to support physicians. No appointment is necessary, and it’s available Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. – 12 a.m. ET. More information is at physiciansupportline.com.
• The Emotional PPE Program: A state-based directory of licensed mental health practitioners offering free services to healthcare workers. Visit directory.emotionalppe.org for details.

Stay Present Through the Process

Supporting your spouse or partner through mental health challenges is a journey, not a one-time event. Be patient, understanding, and consistent in your support. And remember to take care of yourself too—you can’t pour from an empty cup. Your ongoing support can make a meaningful difference in their mental well-being.

While it’s tough to see your spouse or partner struggle with mental health issues, there are many ways you can help. By starting the conversation, offering practical support, and connecting them with confidential resources, you can play a vital role in their journey toward better mental health.

Keep an eye out—your support could truly make a difference. And remember, if you or someone you love is in crisis, you can always call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

At The MedCommons, we are proud ambassadors for the Dr. Lorna Breen Heroes Foundation—an organization dedicated to reducing burnout and improving mental health for healthcare professionals. The foundation was established in memory of Dr. Lorna Breen, a physician who tragically died by suicide during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. The foundation advocates for better mental health support and aims to eliminate the stigma surrounding it. Through our partnership, we’re committed to spreading awareness and providing mental health resources tailored to the unique needs of physicians and other healthcare workers.