When we talk about physician burnout, we often focus on the physicians themselves. Rarely do we explore the deep impact it has on their spouses and partners. Our Founder, Elizabeth Landry, had the opportunity to chat with Lisa Muehlenbein, Ph.D., whose own journey and dissertation shed light on this critical, yet under-discussed topic.

Lisa is the founder of The Med/Life Matrix, where she dedicates her time to promoting the wellness of physicians and their families while driving meaningful change within healthcare organizations. With a focus on evidence-based coaching, training, and consulting, Lisa helps prevent burnout, supports family well-being, and enhances organizational success. By addressing the unique challenges faced by physicians and their spouses, her work aims to create healthier, more balanced lives for healthcare professionals and ultimately improve patient care outcomes.

A Quick Note from Our Founder

The insights shared in Lisa’s research align with the same challenges that inspired The MedCommons, which is all about addressing these very issues. Through working closely with physician families, I’ve seen firsthand the struggles and needs that Lisa’s work highlights so clearly.

Her study not only validates what we’ve created here – it highlights the urgency of our mission. Her hard work and commitment to understanding the complexities faced by physician families are evident and greatly appreciated.

We look forward to leveraging this data to enhance our support and drive our mission forward with even greater clarity and purpose.

Elizabeth Landry, Founder & CEO, The MedCommons

The Personal Journey to a Dissertation

As with many of us so impassioned by this work, Lisa’s personal experience as the spouse of a physician led her to explore the ripple effects of physician burnout on spouses. While her husband was finishing residency, Lisa was juggling her own educational goals, which she put on hold several times to support their family’s needs. After running a yoga studio for eight  years, then moving to a new state, she realized she, too, had been burned out. Then the pandemic hit. This experience reignited her passion for studying physician families and she returned to school to earn her Ph.D. in Health Psychology. Her dissertation? A deep dive into physician burnout and its effects on their spouses.

The Gap in Research

As Lisa researched, she realized there was plenty of data on the families of military personnel and first responders, but virtually nothing on physician spouses and partners. Given that, in 2021, physician burnout rates were reported at a staggering 62.8%, she knew this was an area that needed attention. Lisa focused her dissertation on this very topic and conducted in-depth interviews with a specific demographic—female spouses of male physicians– to understand their experiences.

Key Themes

Through her qualitative research, Lisa identified ten key themes that reflect their unique experiences:

Sacrifice and Loss: Many women spoke about feeling like they had given up their careers and personal ambitions, often moving multiple times for medical school, residency, fellowship, and the first job. In just a few short years, they could experience up to four major relocations. Their lives became centered around their partner’s medical career, and many were unprepared for how medicine would dictate their future. This constant shift led to a loss of personal identity and self-care, leaving them feeling like they had lost themselves along the way.  

Loneliness: The unpredictable and demanding hours of physicians left many spouses feeling isolated and lonely. Spouses often had no idea when their partners would be home—whether they’d make it for dinner, bedtime, or if the kids would even see them before the day ended. This unpredictability, combined with frequent relocations and missed holidays, left many spouses feeling disconnected and alone, especially in new towns without established support systems.

Solo Parenting: Due to the long and unpredictable work hours of their physician spouses, many women reported feeling the need to be self-reliant and highly independent. They often found themselves solely responsible for household matters, feeling that any issues or decisions were entirely on their shoulders. Out of a desire not to burden their partners—who were making life-and-death decisions at work—these spouses took on most of the domestic responsibilities. Even those with full-time careers of their own managed the bulk of parenting and household tasks to ensure home life was as easy as possible for their partners.

Anger: Many spouses expressed feeling under appreciated for everything they handled at home and for their families. This frustration extended beyond the household, as they often felt anger toward the system that treated their physician partners poorly. Some described watching their husbands take on an unfair share of group responsibilities or suffer from “case dumping,” and it upset them to see their spouses mistreated by colleagues or the organization—especially when work was already pulling them away from family life.

Additionally, there was a shared frustration with how their partners coped with burnout. Many women reported that their spouses would resort to mindless activities like scrolling through their phones or playing video games to unwind, which only added to their irritation. 

Helplessness: Every spouse Lisa interviewed described themselves as a “fixer”—someone who naturally wants to solve problems, especially when it comes to their loved ones. However, when they saw their physician spouse suffering, they felt powerless. Despite their deep desire to help, they couldn’t ‘fix’ the overwhelming stress and burnout their partners were experiencing. This sense of helplessness weighed heavily on them, leaving them emotionally drained.

Many also shared that they found themselves walking on eggshells at home, carefully censoring what they told their partner to avoid adding to their stress. Whether it was minor issues like a child’s poor grade or more significant family challenges, they filtered the information to preserve their spouse’s peace and protect precious family time. This protective instinct was common among the spouses, who felt responsible for shielding their partners from additional burdens.

Feeling Misunderstood: Many spouses felt frustrated by the misconceptions about their lives, often hearing remarks like, “At least he’s a doctor,” which ignored the complexities and sacrifices of a medical marriage. People assumed their lives were perfect and financially secure, overlooking the challenges like medical school debt and the emotional toll of the job.

Spouses also felt unprepared for how deeply medicine would affect their lives, leading to a sense of being “married to medicine” rather than just their partner. This misunderstanding extended to their own careers, where they felt judged or overlooked because of their spouse’s profession. For example, one woman was denied a promotion despite being more qualified, simply because it was assumed she didn’t need the job as much due to her husband’s status. This lack of recognition left many feeling undervalued and misunderstood.

Spouses often experienced a sense of postponement, believing that life would improve after each milestone—whether finishing residency, securing a first job, or starting a family. This “life will be better when” mindset never seemed to end, leading to ongoing dissatisfaction.

Health Challenges: Many spouses reported feeling desensitized and disengaged when their partners talked about work, leading to mental health issues such as insomnia, anxiety, and depression, as well as physical conditions like weight gain and gastrointestinal problems. The stress from their partners’ burnout significantly impacted their own well-being.

Self-Care: Many spouses put everyone else’s needs before their own, leading to a loss of personal identity and self-care. Despite this, having a support network was found to be crucial. Many women benefited from online groups, medical alliances, and various self-care practices like therapy, exercise, and relaxation techniques.

Lisa emphasized the importance of community support networks, such as The MedCommons Circle for individuals or healthcare programs. She recommends that initiatives like The MedCommons play a vital role in connecting physician families, offering a space for sharing experiences and accessing resources. This support and community is crucial for helping spouses manage their well-being amidst the challenges they face.

Pride in His Service: Despite the challenges, moments of pride often shone through. For instance, when out for dinner, a spouse might be approached by a grateful patient who praises their partner’s exceptional care. These moments of recognition provided a significant emotional boost, making all the difficulties seem a bit more bearable. This aligns with Bolger’s crossover theory, which suggests that while burnout can affect both the physician and their spouse negatively, positive experiences and praise can also ripple through to uplift both partners. It’s a reminder of how deeply the highs and lows of a physician’s career impact their loved ones, reinforcing the importance of support and recognition in both directions.

Relationships and “Pajama Time”: The final theme centers around relationships and what the American Medical Association refers to as “pajama time,” which encompasses the work physicians do after hours at home. This additional work, often related to Electronic Health Records (EHRs) and administrative tasks, can take a significant toll on family life. Spouses noted that this unpaid, extra work encroaches on family time and can strain their relationship.

Many felt guilty for feeling frustrated, as they understood the importance of their partner’s work but struggled with the consequences of these extended hours. The challenge is further compounded when physicians come home in a bad mood, leaving spouses to manage both their emotions and household responsibilities. This dynamic can lead to a decrease in quality family time, an increase in the spouse’s burden, and a growing divide in the relationship. Ultimately, this results in less intimacy and a more challenging home environment, highlighting the need for better support and understanding for both the physicians and their families.

Systemic Changes Needed

When work-life integration is in alignment, it allows spouses to be supportive of their physician partners and fosters happiness in the home. This balance enables spouses to feel appreciated and proud of their partner’s work, strengthening family cohesion. When the home life is stable and supportive, physicians enter their work environment feeling healthier and more motivated. Conversely, systemic breakdowns, such as ineffective surveys and lack of follow-through on feedback, undermine efforts to improve well-being and contribute to burnout.

LIsa uses the analogy of a luxury sports car, illustrating the need for proper maintenance and care to function optimally, so do physicians need an effective supportive system to maintain their well-being. By investing in physician family health, healthcare systems can enhance patient care, increase productivity, and improve overall satisfaction.

Surprises and Recommendations

One surprising finding was that many people thought they were alone in these struggles. A lot of spouses felt isolated, thinking their experiences were unique when, in reality, these issues are widespread. There’s a tendency to keep these feelings private, especially when everyone expects medical families to have perfect lives.

Interestingly, some spouses found unexpected positives during the COVID-19 pandemic. For instance, when physicians were home more due to canceled procedures or surgeries, it led to improved family time and stronger relationships. However, as things reopened and family time decreased, the stress and concerns about health returned.

Both Elizabeth and Lisa agree that while physicians are inherently resilient, they need support to maintain that resilience. Physician spouses and partners are seen as crucial support figures who, with a bit of assistance, can significantly impact their partner’s ability to thrive in their profession. There should be focus on acknowledging and addressing the issues that affect physician families, recognizing their role, and providing meaningful support rather than superficial solutions.

That’s A Wrap

Physician spouses and partners are often the unsung heroes of the medical community. They are resilient, intelligent, and capable individuals who just need a little support to manage the unique challenges they face. By recognizing the importance of these spouses and partners and making systemic changes to support them, healthcare systems can create a more positive and effective environment for both physicians and their families.

Lisa’s  insights deeply resonate with the same challenges we’ve observed at The MedCommons, affirming the very reasons our organization was founded. Her research not only enriches our understanding but underscores the critical need to support physician families. Her work aligns perfectly with our mission, illustrating why The MedCommons was created: to address the unique and pressing needs of these families. This alignment reinforces our shared goal of improving the well-being of those who support and care for physicians.

Lisa can be reached through her website, The Med/Life Matrix or Instagram.